"Bend Your Knees And Tuck Your Butt...You're A Woman"

Have you ever been scolded or questioned about a body gesture, pose, or posture? Like getting in trouble for sitting with your legs "open" because you're a female? Or sitting with your legs crossed and being told to "put your legs down" because you're a male? I don't remember how old I was, but after a church service, I had rehearsal for an upcoming performance. I sat on the first pew with a long skirt on bent over with my elbows on my knees and my legs "inappropriately spread apart" (according to one of the mothers of the church). One of the older women came up to me and said "Close your legs! That's unlady-like." After her remark, we had a stare-off...you know when you just stare at someone in silence waiting for them to blink or something? Lol. We did that number. Couple of seconds, but it happened. I started sitting up as she waited for me to readjust my posture. And I did readjust my posture...right back to the original posture she'd scolded me for! Although most of you probably think it was disrespectful on my behalf for not listening to an adult, it was disrespectful of her to approach me and speak to me the way she did. You couldn't see underneath the skirt, my posture was fine. I felt she was more focused on HOW my posture did not reflect my gender. Had the skirt been short enough to the point where you could see what was under the skirt, that'd be a whole different novel...but it wasn't even close. The skirt didn't cling to my frame by any means. Her discontent also reminded me how gender was expressed during her upbringing. I still don't comprehend how the term "unlady-like" became popular. "Unlady-like"? WHAT is THAT? (rolls eyes). And why is it a word?

Recently, I've been receiving more remarks about something else I subconsciously do: bending over without bending my knees. HYPER-MINUSCULE to most of us, but I've been asked "Does that hurt?" and even told " You need to bend your knees when you bend over because it's rude..." My legs...are long. Grasshopper long. I don't think anything of my bending unless I have a knee brace on. I reckon the backside visual is offensive (LOL), but I've never considered it before because I'm focused more on not having to bend down and focused on what I was bending over for. Apparently, my non-bending sparks an interest and a slight controversial issue (not because of the significance bending has in relation to health) because I'm a woman. I've re-evaluated the instances in which my bending has been brought to my attention and where I'd been at the time. I even made the effort to consider how it could have possibly offended someone, but I was unable to find fault especially since the locations were at my place of employment which requires excessive lifting, bending, and walking. And when I did bend, I turned towards an area where no one was behind me. I really picked this apart. Before, I'd witnessed an individual unintentionally make himself the source of laughter because his friends deemed his posture as "gay". We ("we" as in people) are given gestures/actions, poses, and postures acceptable and unacceptable unto us determined by our gender. "Girl, close your legs (even though they aren't even 5 inches apart)!", "No breastfeeding in public!" or "Bro, you can't sleep holding your pillow like that...", "Small bites ladies..." OR "You CANNOT drink with your pinky up!" There are gestures/postures and poses that aren't acceptable (especially in reference to the event one is attending or location), but the "yes" and "no's" of all gestures and postures are a tad extreme. If you take the time to think about it, our minds have received input from what is and what isn't socially acceptable in regards to our postures and poses, and some of us care and are unwilling to step outside of the "norm".

Perhaps, you see a male posing for a picture with his hand on his hip, the perceptions most of us obtain from his posture are influenced by society's norms. Although women seemingly receive more responses and opinions about their poses and postures, women have access to more poses than men. The pressure of possessing masculinity limits males to certain actions including posture and also presents expectations of them just as expectations are made of women. With these poses and postures we assume someone's sexual orientation, their involvement in certain activities, and assumptions about their character. Can you imagine how challenging it would be to re-route our minds into viewing gestures, postures, and poses as gender-neutral?! I think it would be and is challenging, BUT the changes towards gender-neutral ideas are becoming a lot more popular and they are being viewed from a more positive perspective rather than a negative one! Isn't it amazing how a pose by an individual in an image offers a limited (and possibly incorrect) layout about the person or people in the image? I'm certain we all can agree that some poses and postures are inappropriate (according to what we have defined as such), but obsessing over every pose or posture made is unnecessary. So, to those not in favor of my lack of knee bending, I'm not Mrs. Parker from "Friday" watering the yard and bending over with the cleavage hanging out while some fancy music is playing. In other words, I'm not bending over to reroute eyes by any means and I'm not making efforts towards having someone else's attention and it doesn't make me any less of a "woman"; I just don't want to bend down. Can we ease up on the excessive (and in-depth) dedication to gendering gestures, actions, poses and postures?

Check this link with photos I found on the Internet:


http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2012/02/15/embodying-gender-differences/

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With Realness,

Bee Elae
2/15/2014
2/19/2014

"A Totally Unorganized Blog about Valentine's Day...Or Whatever..."

As each day approaches the number of statuses dedicated to Valentine's Day increases along with the depression or excitement of celebrating the holiday. "What are you doing for Valentine's Day?"  or "What should I get him/her for Valentine's Day?" become some of the most popular questions near the end of January (for the early birds) and the beginning of February. It's one of the many made up holidays with stories behind them that none of us are 100% certain about (despite the information we're given about its relation to pagan beliefs and rituals). We adapt to the expectations, practices, and norms for holidays. 

You (typically) either have the "So excited to celebrate Valentine's Day!" or the "I'm single and life is over because of this ONE day of the year and I envy all of you" type of person...but...then there are the people like me: okay with having a Valentine and okay with not having a Valentine. I appreciate the holiday for older partners and the friendships among children more so than any other age group. It seems the most genuine then. I mean, I definitely see the presence of love and appreciation among some couples in my age group and up...and I see the statuses made expressing love for someone all on social networks. I see the gifts in the stores, I see the cards and I hear the conversations, but I also see people scurrying to purchase gifts at the last minute. I see competitions among people to decipher whose gifts were the best, and I see the lack of effort and the pressure of expectations rather than the joy of the holiday between partners. I'm not blogging to bash Valentine's Day; I'm blogging because I wanted to share my thoughts and questions. Are effort and creativity put into the gifts and events for Valentine's Day? Are materialistic gifts always necessary? Do some males loathe the holiday because they feel it is solely to please the woman? Do some women dislike the holiday for the same reason as men? Does ANYONE think this day (along with Sweetest Day) is unnecessary?

To the people rushing into store a day or two before Valentine's Day: Is a gift that has no thought put into it any better than not having a gift?

To the braggers: Bragging about gifts only expresses how much more relevant the items are than the relevance of the relationship between the partners. Have we made items the main expectation of the holiday?

To those that only hate the holiday when they're without a partner or Valentine: it's not the end, I promise. You don't have to sink into the sofa, shove a dagger through your heart, back-hand the invisible Cupid, or Grinch out Valentine's Day. Who decided that Valentine's Day is the only day to express the relationship between partners through heart-shaped gifts,flowers, and huge teddy bears? Why can't you treat yourself? The complaints aren't necessary. I mean, almost all of us have been there. Sad or a tad bummed because of the pressure of the holiday, but...being negative about the day isn't too effective. You could go old school and have a Valentine's Day gathering where everyone purchases Valentine's Day cards (you know with the best cartoon characters on them and those cute little messages on the inside) and exchanges them like we did in grade school.  You know...Power Rangers, Powerpuff Girls, Scooby-Doo (with Shaggy's cute self on the front), etc.! BUT don't allow negativity to surround your day because of a holiday that acknowledges love (typically) through gifts when love is present everyday! Make it YOUR type of Valentine's Day and move along. The candy goes on sale the day after (mmhmm) and Cupid's aim is pretty terrible from the looks of it, so don't trip.

Basically, If you are a participant of this holiday, be a participant. Put effort and creativity into the day for you and your partner. Excluding the gender, there should be effort for both partners. I respect those that embrace the holiday, but I admire those that don't need a holiday to purchase a gift or plan something for their partner because it's already done sporadically. I love that. And if you're an "IDGAF about Valentine's Day" type of person, then don't give a crap about Valentine's Day. I mean, it's cool and all, but it's on a Friday this year which means it's the WEEKEND!

One more thing: This image below...is totally not true for all of us. I do NOT want some of that stuff and I know I'm not the only one!! Sure, there are people that appreciate and adore PINK items and other items in the below image and it's perfect for them, but naahh, not all of us. I know someone allergic to VS's sweet scented lotion AND fruity spray, I can't fit Abercrombie's clothing (Lol), one of my homegirls hates flowers unless she's picking them apart (plant killer), and another one of my friends hates the color pink...so unless we aren't females, the generalization in the caption of the image is a fail. Also, when I seen this image posted on a website, I seen a lot of comments by women and men that objected to the gifts in the photo. I don't believe store purchased gifts are always necessary. Home-made cards or home-made gifts, good ole mudding, a trip to the lake, or something similar to those are just as good for some of us.  Ungrateful and picky? Maybe some..but if you know the person you're purchasing gifts for then you should also know what they like if you're gift-friendly for this holiday. 

Enjoy your holiday, enjoy your non-holiday, enjoy your weekend.

With Realness,

Bee Elae

2/11/2014

"So You Like Poking...?"

Every once in a while I see a status or hear someone ask "What does a poke mean on Facebook?" or "Why are you 'poking' me?" I've inquired as well...I think about it every time I see that index finger icon on the side of my page next to the name of my "pokers". I'm not one to poke back nor am I bothered by it, but I do have my own theory about the existence of poking on Facebook. It's simple. "Poking" is the non-verbal attempt to attain someone's attention! I know, I know...why not message you if they want to talk to you, right? But what if they have AWFUL, DEADLY, HORRIBLE conversation skills, and "poking" was the most successful outlet to pull your attention? What if they're not your Facebook friend and they're nervous to contact you (which I don't understand why they would be anyway since a handful of you accept people you don't know)? What if "the poke" is a silent "I want you to want me" call? Ayyyy. Maybe, "the poke" was inspired by the Pillsbury Doughboy...he gets poked a lot...well, at least in commercials (that sounds bad :/ ). Or, it could just be a friendly gesture...no big deal. I really do think it's an action used to get someone's attention though...or just to engage in a massive poke war. So, I tried it out.

 I Facebook poked one person that poked me first, some elderly man I picked randomly that wasn't on my friends list, I attempted to poke my Mom (fail), and I asked people what a Facebook poke means to them ( I will try to upload a video later). So, to the person that poked me first, I poked them back...and they poked me again...-_- and sent a smiley face in my inbox. Definitely think that was for attention. The elderly man responded to my poke with a "I don't do NO POKING over here..." He and I are friends now Lol. My Mom didn't know what it meant...at all...and a majority of the responses I received from people asking about the purpose of a poke were closely related to the idea of attention (with the exception of a few people that used Facebook poking as an underlying sexual gesture...womp, womp). If it's an attempt to get the attention of someone of your choice, that finger just isn't cutting it. It's creepy. I think an icon winking or even MJ moonwalking is an upgrade from that finger. It just sits there...looking crazy. I mean, poke all you want, but can you pokers please explain to those of us that aren't poking savvy what your poke means? Because in real life, we all know randomly poking someone will present more downfalls than benefits....and none of us need handcuffs!

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With Realness,

Bee Elae
2/10/2014

"Hide-Outs with SpiderMan" -Encouragement Blog

Today, I found an old hiding spot. On accident. Long days, testing days, trying days, striving days, prayerful days, "Why in the world did I get out of bed?" days, "Increased risk of assault" days, quiet days...whatever kind of day you may have had or are having, please understand, I understand! You can plan to have a positive and productive day, and it can be the COMPLETE opposite (if you allow it and sometimes even if you don't). When that yoga isn't cutting it, that snack, candy, beverage, workout, or meal isn't compensating for the tests of your day, you SCREAM! And I mean, shout so loud. Shout outside, in your room, into your pillow, in the break-room, or at inanimate objects (one of my favs.). And if you cannot shout, take a break, or fight through the rest of the day, and go to your favorite hideout after. Your hideout can (ALMOST) be anywhere! Underneath your work desk, in the trash barrel, in the closet, in a box, under the bed, in someone's arms, in the bathtub, in your favorite store where you can "cool off" with some shopping (because you KNOW you're leaving with bags in hand)! The places are endless! I don't recommend somewhere where punishment or a fine is the repercussion. Been there, done that. Lol.

Of all of those suggestions, I'm a fan...of all of them (with the exception of hiding under the bed and under the work desk...because I'm a semi-giant). Today, my hiding spot was under my Spider-Man blanket, and Peter Parker has never been more amazing! I hid under there for around 45 minutes and cooled off until the belly started rumbling for food. Had a mini conversation with myself, quick prayer, and...I back-handed my pillow with no remorse! I'm blogging to share that we all have rough days. Now how long you let your days affect you is on you, but there are ways to deal with and approach your days-whether you can handle what goes on immediately or not. Also, some things are totally not in our control. Things get bumpy, but things also go smoothly. May not be when we want them to, but it will. I believe how we respond to things in our day contributes to character and I'm certain we all have our own little techniques, BUT,  if you're ever willing (or eager) to test out a hiding place, all of us hiders welcome you with open arms. :)

Mmmmhm, honey.

With Realness,

Bee Elae
2/6/2014

"The Holding The Door War: Pieces of Door Holding Reality"

Last semester I was walking into my university's gym and another student was following me. Upon entering the gym, I waited for the student, and held the door open for him because it was chilly and he looked like he was in a rush. While entering he said "Thank you. I didn't know girls did that". After asking what he was talking about, he stated that he'd never had a door held open for him by a female. He furthered the conversation by stating that "Girls think guys are always supposed to do that for them". My conversation with him continued for a moment, but ended (after I noticed the snack bar had one of my favorite treats...I was too hungry that day smh) not too much longer after I told him "Well, I have hands that work and it looked like you were in a hurry. Glad I was your first." After he laughed, we wished good days upon one another, and I went to get my snack (because the food was calling me!!)...but, I did re-evaluate the situation. Chivalry. Gender expectations. Princes and princesses..blahhhhh. Some women aren't innocent in reference to the expectations society has created for men, women, and other individuals society has designated norms and expectations for...like holding open a door.

Plenty of us have accepted the norms, made them our expectations, and some are guilty of possessing negativity towards someone else outside of what is considered a norm. To add onto those norms, women and young girls are given fairy-tales. Far from reality, I tell you. Those who know me know I loathe the tales under the Disney princesses so I'll skip over that to spare your eyes from the intense lecture. In person, that's a different story. Anyway, many women and young girls possess the fairy-tale mindset. A prince. Manners...the death of enemies, bad memories, and moments of trial and tribulation...and a happy ending...with el dinero! Holding the door for another individual-mainly a woman-was deemed and is deemed as a duty of the male for the woman. I understand some of us were taught that by our guardians, and I'm not arguing that. Some of us expect doors to be held open and some of us not only expect doors to be held opened, but we feel so entitled, that we don't have to show any form of appreciation to the person that projected the kind gesture. From my perspective, as I told the male, I held the door open out of consideration. Sure, the "thank you" is lovely, but, in reality, we won't always get that...from everyone. In my opinion, holding open the door for another person should not be a duty for certain sexes or genders. It should be an action taken simply because of consideration. And it shouldn't be a big deal. I'm not suggesting we wait for the person 20 steps behind us when we've already entered the building, but if the person is in close proximity, why can't you hold the door open for them? 

A blog about door holding...smh. I know, but it is actually a big issue for some people! One of male friends almost had a conniption after holding the door open for a group of girls while saying "hello" and NONE of them responded. I could feel his frustration and I understand his frustration, but what is "rude" to us may not be for someone from somewhere else. Something to consider. Another thing, to the individuals that are, in fact, THOSE people that expect everyone to hold the door open for them, roll out the red carpet, and throw glitter upon your arrival, that type of mentality could get you a lovely date between your face and the door if you're behind someone that doesn't feel the same way about your door holding expectations! Show some appreciation for someone holding the door open for you while waiting for you to enter a building. Seems like a simple task for anyone. Manners (according how we've defined them) are tip-toeing on ice. Sex shouldn't be applied to a gesture like holding the door open. Is it that much of a challenge to project considerate and genuine acts towards one another without feeling as if we have to? Also, has the expectation of chivalry from men affected the attitudes of entitlement some people posses? Just random babbling.

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With Realness,

Bee Elae

2/3/2014

2/4/2014

" Hoosier Interviews:Who's in Indiana? Part 3: Mr. Arkman and The Acknowledged Hoosier of The Day"

For starters, I'm no journalist and I don't want to be...ever! I'll leave that to the boss status journalists! My blogs are my brain snippets to share and you are free to read them and free to refrain from reading them as well! I love blogging! It's awesome. I love stating my opinion and hearing your opinions as well...but I don't love topic biters and individuals that try to plagiarize my work. I'm definitely not as fancy as Quentin Tarantino- who's about to sue the bums off of some folks that leaked his screenplay...at least not yet-so to my blog thieves, keep that in mind! :) As far as my blogs about talent in Indiana, I LOVE sharing information about some of the people back home and I love that you all appreciate reading about them. I wish I could share all of them with all of you, but I can't. I'll try though! 

My Indiana individual for the beginning of this month is....Noah Stevens, also known as "Arkman". He, like some of the other individuals I've discussed in my past blogs about some of Indiana's talented people, is a native of South Bend, Indiana. "Arkman"- a nickname birthed back years ago due to his first name in which he shares with Noah- the man that built an Ark for his animals in The Bible- is currently a student in college, a teacher at an aid school, and a rapper and producer. Arkman is now making his way into video directing. All (rapping, producing, and video directing) are his hobbies, but he's striving to turn all of his hobbies into components of his career. After asking Arkman the role music plays in his life, he states "Music is everything in my life to be honest. It might be the only thing that keeps me sane in today's crazy world...so, yeah, I don't know what I'd do without music". Following the inquiry about music and its relevancy in his life, I asked Arkman where he sees himself in the future. "I see my self making music on a high level and teaching kids. I really enjoy helping the youth and poverty stricken people. Those two things are my main focus in the future". Arkman believes there is a spot reserved for him in the music industry offering him to be the voice for less fortunate boys and girls with untold stories that have lived in similar neighborhoods like his through his music. "There are only a few of us left, I feel like, and I'm one of them in training...you can say [laughs]". Arkman has a number of artists he would like to worth with simply because he's already created beats for them! Before ending my chat with Arkman I asked him, "What's the purpose behind what you're planning to do?" Arkman replied:

"My purpose of what I'm planning to do is to be a light barrier for young kids and adults in the hoods around the world, and to teach them you can be whatever you wan to be no matter the circumstances." he continues by stating " The world needs for us. I just want to spread  the love through my music and give back to my people...when I say 'my people' I don't just mean my race. I mean people of poverty. Those are my people because I know what it's like to grow up not having a lot".

Noah "Arkman" Stevens

ALMOST FINISHED! I told you all I wanted to acknowledge more than one person in Indiana and here you go! Below is Lauren Rumfelt. Rumfelt's parents divorced when she was 9 years old, but she- with strength- adjusted to the changes and continued forward. Of her eight siblings, Rumfelt is the only one of her siblings to go forth and obtain a four-year degree. Rumfelt is now a graduate from Indiana University South Bend with a bachelor's in Criminal Justice. She is the super mommy of a 1 year old son, and she states that her biggest goal "is to just be able to raise him (her son) well and contribute something positive to the world" (Rumfelt). Rumfelt enjoys singing in choirs, reading, and spending time with her friends. Rumfelt is about to make big moves and is bringing her son along with her for the journey!

Lauren Rumfelt and her lovely son

Support the dreams and join the movement towards positivity.

With Realness,

Bee Elae

Finished 2/3/2014