" B's Beef with 'You're Cute For A Big Girl' "

Compliments and the acceptance of compliments have been altered ridiculously. It's now appealing and perceived as a compliment by many to be a "bad bi*ch", "Five-Star Bi*ch","Dime piece", someone contacted and expected to engage with someone sexually after 2 a.m., or to only be useful in the dark and for certain qualities they may possess. Without getting into my extreme dissatisfction for those titles, I will turn my aversion to a few of the most utterly repulsive and imbecilic "compliments" in our newest time: "You're cute for a dark-skinned/light-skinned girl", "You're cute for an Asian girl...", "You can dance for a White girl", and, "You're cute for a big girl". The list goes on. Please agree that you can see the fault in these "compliments". Heard it before? Said it before? Had it told to you before? My dislike for them is far more extreme than my distaste for dirty mirror pictures. Crazy, right?! I will solely be focusing on "You're cute for a big girl" in this entry because of the controversy over acceptable sizes, numbers, figures, and norms. Allow me, again, to enlighten folks on the issue with telling someone "You're cute for a big girl".

 As we are all aware, the number on the scale which reveals our weight has been of relevance for as long as we can remember. People of higher authority determine a number that is "average", "below average", and "overweight", individuals accept the categories along with society's images of the "ideal woman" and the "ideal man", and work the rest of their lives to attempt to fit the "ideal". Those that don't meet the "ideal" (which none of us will actually ever be able to do because the ideal man or woman created by society doesn't exist) are shamed and frowned upon. Hello eating disorders and lack of self-love...and whether you believe it or not, men also have eating disorders, and the number is increasing. I read an article a few months ago about the issues with male image in reference to weight, so this isn't just fixed towards women. BUT, back to the "compliments"...women that do not fit the "ideal" in reference to physical characteristics as displayed in the media (that have altered the images of their models with computers...but they didn't want you to know that) are often less appealing. This includes not being the extremely thin woman vacuuming with high heels on (not me), the skin-flawless woman (definitely not me), the woman with the long, cooperative hair, and the other qualities of the ideal. Now, "thicker" and "well-proportioned" women have become more socially accepted (you're more likely to see them in music videos, Vines, etc...wearing a limited amount of clothing though), but there's also been an increase in butt injections. Way to slap the norms in the mouth, right?!

Despite the growing acceptance of variations in figures, there is still much controversy over what is healthy and unhealthy by the scale number and image, and the acceptance of women that do not obtain the thin figured image. Inconsideration and utter disrespect kick in when you offer a partial compliment and mix it with a negative one. Telling someone they're cute/pretty/beautiful FOR a "big girl" is not a compliment. It is offensive because you've reiterated how one's weight is still not accepted according to your opinion or expectation of what "beautiful" is or socially acceptable. Are women that do not fit the "ideal" expected to be unattractive or ridiculously grotesque? Are women outside of the "ideal" irrelevant? Are we not counted or acknowledged? It's sad how affected people allow themselves to be by a number that includes muscle mass. As someone that doesn't care about their weight number, the nurse was more caring about the number than I was when she read "156" at my doctor's appointment. She was surprised...but... I kept eating my candy while I was standing on the scale. Not even considered "big", but my number was still an issue even after she acknowledged my large muscle mass amount (and my head size lol). This is an example of how much influence weight has on people. If someone is beautiful, there should be no "for" or "but" following the positive portion of the compliment.

 For people that do, in fact, say things similar to the examples I've offered in this blog, consider how it would feel if you were given a positive-negative compliment. "You're attractive for someone that (insert offense here)...", "You're handsome for someone with jacked up teeth", or "Girrrrll, you're pretty for someone who has had a lot of kids". Please consider the significance of compliments and realize that people do not like it when it's done that way. I don't like it and my "bigger" and ridiculously beautiful home-girls do not like it either. Just because these statements are offensive does not mean women outside of the ideal image created for us have low self-esteem. It is simply the idea of respecting another individual. What is "beautiful" is not based off of one individual's opinion. What may not beautiful or attractive to you, may be stunning to someone else, so keep the compliments positive and understand the affect your words may have on others.

                                                       (Thanks again Google Images)

With Realness,

Bee Elae

1/7/2014