I recently blogged about the issues with compliments that follow with negativity (i.e. "You're pretty for a big girl", "You're cute to be dark-skinned", and "You're cute for a nerd") in which I hope it has caused some of our fellow brothers and sisters to reconsider the way they phrase their words to form a compliment when speaking to another person. Immediately after that blog, I thought about how positive and genuinely kind compliments given to people are received negatively. By negatively I mean that the people receiving the compliment overlook the compliment given in exchange for assuming the person that has given the compliment is enamored with that them. For a lack of better words, "thirsty". I'm not talking an excessive amount of compliments from the same person where desperation for acknowledgement is obvious, or repetitive "pokes" on Facebook along with messages with awful pick-up lines and terrible approaches. I'm speaking on the type of compliments that offer respect and appreciation like: "You look nice today", "You look/are beautiful", "You look handsome in your outfit", or "Nice smile". It's actually pretty ludicrous. I've conversed with some of my friends (male and female) about this issue, and it was often that the majority of my male friends were frustrated with the reaction they've received from handing out compliments to women or other men.
One of my male friends stated that most of the women he complimented brushed him off or responded to his compliment with a facial expression of disgust stating he was "thirsty". Some of the other males I'd ask about compliments stated that the compliment suggested the individual giving the compliment was subliminally stating that they wanted to engage in sexual activity. The majority of my female friends I discussed this with were the females who perceived the compliment-givers (mainly males) as "thirsty" and cared less about the compliments because of the numerous amount of times they'd heard them, or perceived the individual offering the compliment to have an underlying motive. It's unfortunate that I hear more women refer to someone that has only given them a compliment as "thirsty" simply because of the compliment. A major conflict for the lack of wanting to give compliments: arrogance and responses. Honestly, the issues with compliments will never be resolved simply because of things like the motives behind the compliment, communication and body language, the words selected for the compliment and what is accepted as a compliment. We are unaware of the level of innocence and genuineness in the compliment. It's all messed up, I know. Here's the deal: some people that dish out compliments are doing just that...other people are not. I acknowledge that both are prevalent among compliment giving, but it can be shut down with a simple "Thank you".Despite the motive, just accept the compliment and move on unless you're interested in carrying the conversation further with that person. How you get down is your personal business.
The idea of compliments being perceived as "signs of thirst" has caused resistance for people to want to offer compliments at all and miscommunication among people. Expecting compliments all of the time because of your own arrogance doesn't mean everyone else feels the same way or obsesses over you as much as you do yourself, you know? I'd also like to state that people have a tendency to assume the same thing when receiving compliments from someone of the same sex. I mean, sexual orientations vary, but the truth is, no one is everyone's type. This news is probably hard for some people to accept right now...try to breathe. Some of us have become so self-absorbed and familiar with compliments that we expect them and expect the individuals giving compliments to want something, and it's not always like that. These assumptions and our responses to situations when compliments are given represent pieces of our character. Why can't someone of the opposite sex offer a RESPECTFUL remark about a feature or attraction to your personality or guise? Why can't someone of the same sex offer a RESPECTFUL compliment without being so infatuated with your appearance that they MUST want you? We should be able to compliment one another in a respectful manner, and for those that do, in fact, lack in appropriate or respectful compliments, please understand that that is not appealing to everyone, and it also speaks of your character as well. Take it easy, keep your bottles and glasses full so you're never, ever parched (Lol), and...just say "Thank you".
With Realness,
Bee Elae
1/12/2014
1/19/2014
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