"Daddies Do It Too"

Earlier, I was scrolling through CNN's news-feed and while trying to maintain my composure through all of the negative news, I found a video clip on an interview between a father of two and one of the members of a news center focused on an image the father posted on his Facebook which has been going viral for quite some time now. It's a picture of  the father doing one of his daughter's hair while his youngest lay strapped around his abdomen. Unaware (I assume) that it would receive this much attention, the father, Doyin Richards, is now recognized for...BEING A PARENT! Woohoo!

http://us.cnn.com/video/data/2.0/video/us/2014/01/11/hln-intv-proud-dad-viral-pic-backlash.hln.html

I'd seen the image oftentimes being shared by my associates on my Facebook page previous to the interview I seen today, and although the image itself is adorable (because it is a parent and their children), I suppose I hadn't paid it enough mind to "share" the image because it was a father (also known as a "parent" lol) tending to the needs of his children which is what I'd perceived to be a requirement in parenting. But there were aspects of the photo that obtained some of my attention as it has for others. Along with the picture, captions similar to "This is a REAL MAN", and "Real men do things like this" outlined the top of the photo. Oh yeah, the father in the photo is BLACK and his children are "MIXED". My initial emotion of contentment derived from the breaking of the stereotypical image infamous for being displayed within our society and in the African American culture: that all Black men don't take care of their children. How refreshing to see a male break the stereotype given unto them. Proof, that all Black men are not the same. 

Historically, "Broken homes" and "single parent" households have been made to be existent only in certain races offering the fictitious image of our neighbors and people in passing, and reinforcing one of the many stereotypes and generalizations. Understand that I acknowledge some Black fathers (and fathers in GENERAL) exit the home and fail tremendously in tending to and supporting their children (which is not a one-parent job), but the belief that all Black fathers are the same due to some statistics and experiences is obnoxious, and it shows through the comments and responses from this image. SN: Don't go telling me I don't understand because my father was absent throughout most of my life...and he's Black...and I've been brought up extremely well by my single-parent mom, so let's move around! This will be centered towards a specific race because it has been made to. What's unfortunate is the shock people have from what one father (of however many other fathers) does for their children. I grew frustrated after reading the captions and responses for the image. Why were so many people surprised by the image honestly? Because of Mr. Doyin Richards' skin color. That's already been addressed. And it's sad because  there are men that assist in offering validity to the stereotype of Black men being absent in their child's life while giving their oppressors much to converse about. Also, the unnecessary and negative bashing of ALL Black men by women of the same race and outside of the same race adds onto the struggles of understanding one another. I understand the frustration when a partner leaves the home selfishly, but excessive unnecessary conversation and expression in public contributes to the tension. By this I mean making a  Facebook status or going on Maury and saying something like "All men are dogs" or "All Black men do is sleep around and make kids they don't care of". I'm not stating that the issue should be ignored...we definitely need to improve in that aspect, but there are ways to approach these issues maturely for all parties.

Another reason why people were shocked by the image? Because Doyin was taking on the duties proclaimed to belong to the woman. Doyin stayed at home with his children because he wanted to- breaking the norms expected of man given by society. It's seldom a male is seen with one of his children comfortably resting on his stomach while working through the hair on his other child's head...and some of us know that hair care is tough! The number of "shares" this image has had discloses how our minds are still connected to gender roles and expectations. If we were to eliminate gender roles, would the image have gone viral?

Some of the comments from the image were awful-more so sad because it displayed the number of minds occupied by people intimidated by change and comfortably situated in a mind-state of hate, ethnocentrism, and complete racism for no reasons at all. There will always be someone somewhere seeking to express their inappropriate hatred whether it's on Youtube, a blog, another social network, or a picture projecting positivity. Despite the positive comments, it's unfortunate some of the comments included individuals stating the picture would be better if the "kids were black", that the father couldn't be supported because his partner wasn't a Black woman, or that the father could give the children back their mother and return to selling drugs. These type of comments only keep the tension amid races, cultures, and ethnicities. Despite the stereotypes and generalizations that may seem correct, not everyone is the same way. In the REAL world, no one is one race. In the REAL world, a huge percentage of the population will consist of individuals of multiple races or ethnicities in the future anyway. In the REAL world, the possibility of racism and racial slurs is present, but there's an opportunity to overcome it. 

Again, but from a general perspective, the stereotypes and generalizations in reference to traits, actions, and characteristics distributed among women and men as a whole shows how it affects our thoughts, actions, and responses. History presses its feet down in the dirt to assure we don't forget gendered roles- men as the 'breadwinner' and workers outside of the home, and women who tend to domestic and nurturing duties and tasks- but parenting should not be gender based. We've allowed these things. There are things one parent may not be able to do that other can, but why should we be surprised that a father is taking care of his children? The image is as beautiful to me as it would be if it was a mother taking care of her children. The image shows strength, love, and pride in parenting.

Doyin states during his CNN interview:

"If a woman did this, this would not be news, right? But the fact that I'm a guy, and I do that, that just shows we really need to change the narrative on what fathering is about..."  (http://us.cnn.com/video/data/2.0/video/us/2014/01/11/hln-intv-proud-dad-viral-pic-backlash.hln.html).

We must improve. All of us.

With Realness,

Bee Elae

1/16/2014