Heeeyy (quick wave):
I am blogging in to share an experience I encountered earlier yesterday while I was simply trying to pick out the perfect brand of (costly) pretzels that the health articles boast about. They're delish by the way! Different flavors and all-uh-that! Anyway ---> I was in the grocery store sorting through the various pretzel brands and flavors ( a.k.a pretzel probs), and I asked another woman in the same aisle if she'd tried these pretzels I was checking out. The woman and I were having a nice conversation about healthy eating...and then, she continued with: "My boyfriend makes sure we all eat healthy. I'm telling you (laughs)! He is the Whitest Black guy you will meet. He's not like them. I mean he eats healthy, dresses nice..." By the time she'd hit "dresses nice", I was in a whole different state of mind and thought. It's interesting...what people say...not knowing what or how they say it...in any situation...AND not being aware of the type of response they could receive.
THAT'S THE ONE OF THE PROBLEMS: People not knowing (or not caring) what they say, how they say it, and how it makes them look when it relates to negative stereotypes directed towards certain races, ethnicities, cultures, sexual orientation, religions, practices, generalizations, etcetera. To make this easier, the problem is-still- the MINDSET and the AUDACITY of persons to believe their negative mindsets and verbal responses via stereotypes are applicable to every individual they encounter, AND the audacity of persons to accept stereotypes and generalizations stemmed from negativity that are given unto them. I can even chop it down more: THE AUDACITY. The audacity for this woman to totally throw our simple (and fun) conversation down the drain with the nerve she possessed to be comfortable enough to tell a stranger that could possibly be of the same race as her "whitest Black guy boyfriend" that he was not like "them". "Them" as in the rest of the males of the same or similar African American/Black race. She had it WRONG. As my facial expression changed and my smile dropped like someone had just asked me if my eyes were "real" (UUUUUUUGHH -_-), I contemplated my options for response:
1.) Game face...and address her, but put the pretzel bags down because she'll probably get offended and too rowdy and feel herself too much.. and end up landing face down? Nah, that's already how people expect me/us to react.
2.) Laugh it off, grab my pretzels, and go? NO...too easy.
3.) Let it slide...today...because I'm hungry and I JUST got off of work? Something too consider, but NO.
4.).......COMPLETELY POP OFF??!!! AND Check her about that hot mess of an outfit she had on while force-feeding her these "healthy" ass pretzels... And then ask for forgiveness later? YEP!!!! Jk, jk, jk!
Realty set back in...and I found myself staring at her-an "I-know-you-did-not-just-let-those-words-slide-out-of-your-mouth-in-this-empty-aisle" death look. She finished her laugh and started walking. "Right, because 'them' Black guys all are the same, huh? ." I wasn't finished. I contemplated approaching her again and offering her my FULL response, but in situations similar to these, you need more time...because emotions often create the craziest word vomits and actions ever, and I wanted to walk away still holding onto my maturity, my snacks (yaasss), and representing my belief in knowing that not every person is the same. I felt like I hadn't done enough. I wanted to check her so much more. I wanted to check the whole store, at this point. But, really, what I'd stated was enough for the circumstances of the situation. I wish I could have yelled it, honestly. I wish I could have told her how pathetic and pitiful her words were. I wish I could have told her how susceptible she was, and how dating her "Black" man doesn't grant her the right to categorize the rest of them. WHO ARE YOU? How dare you. How BASIC of you...but I hit that one line that could grab everything I'd wanted to say and do enough...for the time being. Did it do enough? Did she get it? I wouldn't doubt it if she didn't. Do YOU GET IT?
It's bad enough some of our negative thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, and treatment towards others are based off of the opinions of someone else and not our own, but take some moments to control your own mind, and take the time to pick out appropriate responses and learn about something! It's a pity how pliant we are when it comes to accepting attitudes towards other people unlike us without actually taking the time to know them or see them. So many faults in that. And have we REALLY made it okay to accept things like this when it's NOT okay...but it's portrayed to be in many instances. I could have easily asked her, "Have you slept with every Black man to know how the rest of them are?"
You may feel like I didn't do enough...and a nice handful of you that KNOW me know my responses for issues I am passionate about -including this one- consist of far more than a "one hitter quitter" response....but I've been learning about choosing situations that need in-depth responses, and those that don't. Plus, I was on the verge of reacting differently, so I needed to spew out the cleanest response I could offer at that moment. Seeing and reading the responses from some of my friends after I shared the woman's remarks with them was welcoming though: A "Bish Whet??" from Vicky; a " So Black guys don't eat healthy??" from 'Randa; a "0 too 100 real quick" from Noah' and a "-_-" from BJ. I won't tell you how the Mom reacted! Too exclusive.
BUT, I'm learning how to decipher which situations need a lecture and when one line does justice even when it doesn't feel like it does. The woman's remarks aren't uncommon, and that bothers me that multiple people carry that minuscule mindset. It's unfortunate negative stereotypes are still given a place to position themselves because we grant them permission. So, to the woman I spoke with in the store today, if you ever come across this blog or any blog closely related to this one, I hope you know you have some mental remodeling to do. I hope you can better practice your word selections, and understand you're no different than any other robot walking this Earth that possesses that same vexatious,vile, FEEBLE, and sad mindset. She is just a reminder that there is work that still needs to be done with the molding of all of our minds. Think better, do better.
With Realness,
B. Elae
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