I see them often...Pre-Father's Day statuses. The "Let us get our day",or "If I see someone tell a mother 'happy father's day' I'm no longer their friend". I understand Father's Day is a tough day for a nice portion of people: a nice percentage of father's will not and have not been present (or are present but aren't active in their children's lives), some "fathers" -who are actually "sperm donors"- will solely appear on this "commending" and "extravagant" day, and other fathers will expect a gift, medal, or some award on thin paper you found from the store where you fill their name in on the line. It makes some of us angry. Not to mention, this day reminds plenty about the number of days the father has been absent, the excuses, the negative and selfish actions, the chances given while waiting for him to "change", and the additional kids that he fathered. Their absence places single parent homes into certain classifications directed towards the members within the house, stereotypes, images (by peers, strangers, the GOVERNMENT, and the media), and assumptions directed towards single parent mothers and their children. Plus... culturally fabricated statistics...mmmm my fave.
We're reminded how easy it is for a male to leave the household, how children bring forth inquiries as to where their father is, and furthermore-another dose of assumptions (sometimes) accompanied by a label with pity for all children whose father is absent from the home. Right? Maybe in some situations...BUT realistically, mothers can leave too and they do. Some mothers are, in fact, absent from their children's lives as well-whether it's physically, mentally, or emotionally...but at least they stuck around for the 9 months of labor . Also, some mother's don't deserve to be acknowledged on mother's day, but still expect the same things fathers that have been absent or aren't involved with their children expect. We forget about that because of the actual number of missing fathers in the lives of the home and children, and because of the frustrations from our own parental and household situations. And because of gender norms, women receive harsher judgement and punishment from others when they are absent from their children's lives or aren't involved with their children because women are viewed as the "nurturers". Women are to be the mothers from the commercials and movies offering the utmost amount of love a woman can provide to the blessing(s) from her own womb.
It's seldom single parents that are males are witnessed in the media and in actual life, but they exist. Just like absent or unloving mothers do. And what about the children that have someone else offering triple the love because BOTH of their parents are absent???? It's important to remember all mothers and fathers are not the same. For those that feel that way, it is unjust to channel anger from your own situations towards every other individual. Another thing people forget to identify: not everyone is aware of their partner-therefore-a household missing a parent is NOT their fault, and the opinions of others are of minuscule relevance (unless, they were aware of the type of partner they had or they were the reason for the absence of a parent). My main thing for this blog is...there's a Mother's Day and a Father's Day (among many other made up holidays), and the day is to be celebrated by the figures deserving of the acknowledgement and credit. Some fathers aren't acknowledged on Father's Day (and some mothers aren't acknowledged on Mother's Day), but there are actual fathers, so allow the acknowledgement they receive for the day. I repeat, there are fathers present AND active in their children's lives! And if some mothers are fathers as well (like my Mommy), then let her be acknowledged on Father's day if someone thinks she is deserving of the acknowledgement. Don't haaattteeeeee (SN: Acknowledgement for the "other" parent doesn't make it "okay" for the household to be led by one parent; I believe it acknowledges their dedications to both roles. People tend to misunderstand acknowledgement in certain situations at times).
We cannot determine, praise, or shame someone that does not "meet" the physical qualifications (i.e. no penis for the folks upset about mothers receiving appreciation) of Father's Day...or Mother's Day for that matter. To take it further, someone that is not the biological parent of a child may still receive acknowledgement on that day because of their role in the child's life. Are they not allowed to be acknowledged for one of these days because they don't meet the qualifications? I mean, seriously. Anyway, my main subject here is: for those that celebrate these holidays, do so, and understand there are actually some fathers active in their child's/children's lives. Plus, we made days like these up!!!!! Celebrate your parent, parents, or someone you consider a parent on other days AS WELL. Love isn't a one day thing and being a parent is the molding of a character. Better yet, how may days does it take to be able to qualify to receive a card on one of these holidays??? Anyway...enjoy your holiday people. We're going to Golden Corral to celebrate...kind of..I think? lol. Good day.
B. Elae
6/14/2014
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