"My Vagina Is Not A Monkey...End Rant"

Deep in the jungle, over the river and through the woods, there's an animal-a beast-hungry for penetration, untamed, beastly, and (quite) powerful. BEWARE of the monkey (insert image of the monkey from "Family Guy" here)...also known as the vagina. Creative by any means? Not at all. We've given our genitals our own little names: "taco", "sausage", "King Cobra","box", "coochie", "kitty-kat". The names parents use to describe genitals to their children? ENDLESS. I've heard a multitude-some clever, some almost as awful as a model falling down on the runway. One of my aunt's favorites: "Twoo-twoo". Almost unbearable! But, of the many, there is one that absolutely sucks..."monkey". I mean, really?! Yes, I'd love for you to grant my lovely pyramid the name of a hairy primate. Gifted, intelligent, but not the best fit. 

I mean, there's no physical resemblance. For the people attempting to create correlations, sure, if you're trying to tell a joke, I could see that, but as an everyday name? No. Not to be rude or anything, but monkies aren't the most attractive animals in our world, vaginas don't have teeth either (unless you've watched the 2007 film "Teeth" by Mitchell L., but I don't think you'd be too happy about that), and the acceptance of the term isn't really fascinating. Discussions about our private and body parts already have a reputation of being an uncomfortable subject of discussion for an ocean of people- which has more disadvantages than advantages (especially for younger people but that's another blog for another day). I mean, if you use the word "monkey" aloud when referring to your vagina, do you really feel content? Go ahead, I'll wait. No rush. 

Of course, we all have our own preferences and nicknames for our "friends", but some just don't cut it. Some of which we have allowed man (or dominant figures in our society) to declare appropriate names for our genitals and body parts. Yes, Too Short, I enjoy jamming in the club and then hearing "Bi*ch! Bi*ch! Shake that monkey"!! Messes up my whole groove, dude. Maybe not yours, but mine. I just can't jig with the term...and honestly, I never will, considering "monkey" was a derogatory term used to describe individuals of certain races (including some of my brothers and sisters throughout history) who were perceived as having wild animal traits and actions. Just something else to think about before completely tuning me out.

Having nick-names? Totally okay...but some are definitely meant to remain unpopular and unknown outside of the home if you know what I'm saying... 

With realness, 

Bee Elae

12/30/2013 6:49 p.m.