"The Lies of New Years Eve...Whatchulyin'fo?!"

I'm almost certain everyone knows what today is: the eve before the birth of a new year. The day where some people attend church, some bring in the new year with bottles, wine glasses, and good company, superstitions and traditions are enacted for luck in the new year, and other various notions. The day where a mob of people reminiscence on the events that occurred throughout the year that's about to end. The day where resolutions (which are seldom met) are made: "I'm going to stop smoking", "Gym time!!", "Me and Boo are gonna make this year ours #TeamUS!!", "Healthy Eating!", "No more butt injections!"...blah, blah, blah! The day where one of the most common statuses on social networks pertains to people claiming the new year as their own: "This is my year"...yeah, like last year was, right? Some say if you're waiting for the new year to change, you're already a hot mess, and I can see that point of view...but....

I'm a supporter of cleansing, improving, and a fresh start-whether it's a spiritual cleansing, mental cleansing, or physical change cleansing (and by this I mean like how Bernadine played by Angela Bassett chopped of her hair in "Waiting to Exhale"). Mhmmm! But what's a resolution without actual dedication and a final result? Just stating your resolutions to yourself, friends, family (pets included), or to Facebook is not enough. Encouraging words and reminders to focus in on your resolution(s) has its benefits, but, as I stated before, meeting resolutions requires action. Similar to one of my Facebook statuses pertaining to this subject, NO ONE wants to hear the same thing...or the same excuse as to why the resolution was not met.

DEDICATION. MOTIVATION. COMMITMENT. SELF CONTROL. POWER. Make what you claim yours! Too often, people don't follow through. You say you're going to do something and when it's not done, you find excuses, have already given up, or allowed your dedication to grow legs and walk off. Part of it is laziness. You know it! Changing requires effort and some people are too comfortable where they are- making it easy to regress. Coucchhhh potato! You've got a resolution? Follow through! What is said does not mean it is true. Back up your word. The only thing that can stop you, is you. Again, repetition of the same claims doesn't result in miracles. Put your heart in it!

“Your behavior reflects your actual purposes.” ― Ronald A. Heifetz, The Practice of Adaptive Leadership: Tools and Tactics for Changing Your Organization and the World (Thank you Goodreads)!

Happy New Year everyone. :)

With Realness,

Bee Elae 12/31/2013

"That's A Mean Pink Gun"

While attempting to shop for my two-year old niece down the "girl's aisle" in Wal-Mart, I think the variations of the color pink blinded my eyes and caused me to run into another shopper's cart. I honestly think that that aisle was the brightest aisle in the whole store. I stayed in the aisle searching for toys that offered the slightest bit of mental growth and stimulation, hands-on activity, and dolls of different shades. I didn't last long after I grabbed a Doc. McStuffins and a Dora doll. I grew frustrated, and darted to two other aisles where I grabbed more Hot Wheels cars, books, and flashcards. Besides the princess attire, Dora, and Barbie taking up a majority of the spaces on the shelves, there was a NERF (for girls) section. The gun (or blaster for sensitive eyes) was designed as a regular gun (meaning like the original NERF gun for boys only), BUT it was decorated with the colors pink, purple, and white with pink flowers on the side of it. YES...flowers. They were perfect and pleasant.Yes, while I'm proceeding to point this blaster and pop you in the back of your head while you're sleeping, my gun and I will look fashionable as I proceed to hit the trigger. Maybe a ton of flowers will fall out. Just rain flowers! The darts: designed and kissed with colors of "femininity". These blasters were created for consumers, of course, but to offer the idea that little girls can (now) play with these guns because of the colors, accessories, and designs. How about to reinforce the existence of gender differences? To suggest that little girls couldn't play with the "masculine" colored blasters because they were for boys (and placed in the "boy's aisle"), but a little color and designs over the same blaster...and VOILA! Girls can play too now!

Why weren't they playing before? Because of the location of the NERF guns and equipment in stores, and the importance of gender and colors of the rainbow society has instilled in people and children. An example? You're expecting your first child and you're going to disclose the sex of the baby at your baby shower. The cake you cut will have a color to symbolize the sex of your unborn. What are the typical color options you ask the baker? PINK (representing a female) or BLUE (representing a male). Where'd the rest of the colors go? Why pink or blue? And who decided what each color represented? Those two color choices are typical-seemingly easy when applying them to gender-and that's not how some of us roll. Is it not okay for a girl to play with a green or blue NERF gun? Is it not okay for a boy to play with a purple or pink NERF gun? Well, of course not. Because of the color, a male playing with an object of "feminine" color suggests he's "too feminine", and a female playing with an object of "masculine" color means she's leaning towards being more "masculine". What about third gender children? Or children who've kept their sex private by choice of their parents? Why have we (as in some of us) allowed color to become such an important deal in reference to objects? What's happening is that children's rights to like what they like are being limited. They're reared to understand what colors are acceptable based on their sex and gender. Just something to think about. I'd also like to suggest wearing sunglasses when you do, in fact, approach the girl's aisle in stores. It's dangerous out there, folks!

With Realness, 

Bee Elae

12/31/2013 1:19 a.m.

"Smashin' or Passin' Anyone?!"

Interested in knowing who would pick you for sexy time and who wouldn't? Try the "Smash or Pass" game! Where you throw out all self-respect and find out who would love to have an oh-so memorable night with you solely based off of what you look like! It's one of the greatest games of all time via social network! Free of charge! UGH.

For those that don't know, social networks have granted access to a popular game: "Smash or Pass". I noticed the game being played some time ago on my Facebook page. "LMS for Smash or Pass", or "Inbox a number for smash or pass". The name of the "game" is a pretty direct explanation for the expectations of the game. Enter a number or like a status, and await the results. Commonly used as an excuse for boredom, this "game" presents more conflicts than fun and entertainment, but it's probably unnoticed. As badly as people would like to blame the person dishing out the responses to the participants, the participants provide a majority of the damage. What does this say about the game? That someone doesn't have enough self-respect or esteem, and finding out if someone would have sex with them or not dictates the type of physical attraction they possess. Is being desirable (sexually) that infatuating? Are the opinions of the people in which the participants await that significant? And if you're that bored to where that's your game of choice, then an expansion of hobbies and interests is needed, immediately!

 I mean, you may as well play "Spin the Bottle" or "Seven Minutes in Heaven". Neither of which I was asked to play...effects of not being popular I guess, or fear for the wrath of my parent (which I'd GLADLY avoid because that woman is crazy)! "Smashing" or "passing" is pretty juvenile, in my opinion. I asked a younger person why they played the game, and they responded "I don't know. I get bored". "Nothing else to do?" I asked.  "Yeah, but, everyone else plays it..." PAUSE. "Everyone else plays it"? Note that this response speaks highly of someone unwilling to be different and resorts to fitting in. That's where that infamous question comes in: "So if everyone else was jumping off of a bridge, you would too?!!!" I know a lot of people have heard that one. And what happens if the response you receive is a "pass"? You become angry because you were rejected? Shrug it off and move along? Sink into depression because you just didn't make the cut? 

I could be taking it too seriously because it's "just a game", but, it's not a game I'll ever be eager to play. I'm not defined by your rate or your decision to "smash" or "pass" me- especially if I'm not worried about you to begin with. I'm probably on the "parental" or "old head" side now, but if you disagree, I'd like to know why you play the game if you do. And why someone else's opinion (that you're not interested in) matters. The most important rate should be the one given to self, right?

With realness, 

Bee Elae

12/30/2013

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"My Vagina Is Not A Monkey...End Rant"

Deep in the jungle, over the river and through the woods, there's an animal-a beast-hungry for penetration, untamed, beastly, and (quite) powerful. BEWARE of the monkey (insert image of the monkey from "Family Guy" here)...also known as the vagina. Creative by any means? Not at all. We've given our genitals our own little names: "taco", "sausage", "King Cobra","box", "coochie", "kitty-kat". The names parents use to describe genitals to their children? ENDLESS. I've heard a multitude-some clever, some almost as awful as a model falling down on the runway. One of my aunt's favorites: "Twoo-twoo". Almost unbearable! But, of the many, there is one that absolutely sucks..."monkey". I mean, really?! Yes, I'd love for you to grant my lovely pyramid the name of a hairy primate. Gifted, intelligent, but not the best fit. 

I mean, there's no physical resemblance. For the people attempting to create correlations, sure, if you're trying to tell a joke, I could see that, but as an everyday name? No. Not to be rude or anything, but monkies aren't the most attractive animals in our world, vaginas don't have teeth either (unless you've watched the 2007 film "Teeth" by Mitchell L., but I don't think you'd be too happy about that), and the acceptance of the term isn't really fascinating. Discussions about our private and body parts already have a reputation of being an uncomfortable subject of discussion for an ocean of people- which has more disadvantages than advantages (especially for younger people but that's another blog for another day). I mean, if you use the word "monkey" aloud when referring to your vagina, do you really feel content? Go ahead, I'll wait. No rush. 

Of course, we all have our own preferences and nicknames for our "friends", but some just don't cut it. Some of which we have allowed man (or dominant figures in our society) to declare appropriate names for our genitals and body parts. Yes, Too Short, I enjoy jamming in the club and then hearing "Bi*ch! Bi*ch! Shake that monkey"!! Messes up my whole groove, dude. Maybe not yours, but mine. I just can't jig with the term...and honestly, I never will, considering "monkey" was a derogatory term used to describe individuals of certain races (including some of my brothers and sisters throughout history) who were perceived as having wild animal traits and actions. Just something else to think about before completely tuning me out.

Having nick-names? Totally okay...but some are definitely meant to remain unpopular and unknown outside of the home if you know what I'm saying... 

With realness, 

Bee Elae

12/30/2013 6:49 p.m.

"Money and Thangs with The Princess Gang"

Disney. 

That's all you need to see. 

And when you do see that word, I inquire what dances through your mind. The place where dreams come true? Timon and Pumbaa eating bugs? False images? Your favorite movie? Subliminal messages? Those same figured princesses prancing in dresses of "feminine" colors? I haven't fully completed my study on Disney, and the subliminal messages in your favorite films are pretty controversial, but when we're talking Disney princesses, I can set fire with the issues related to them varying from the physical makeup, the plot of the story, to the roles of the characters. It's true, you can find flaws in any cartoon and any story-no matter how brilliant the script is-but my major issue stems from the influence Disney has on our young men, women, and children (BOTH, boys and girls). 

How dreamy? Some man more fortunate than me rescues me from my unbearable life of misfortunes, and I become royalty! I become relevant through him and my flawless beauty grasps the breath of every person in my perimeter. I'm sure you're tired of hearing the rants about these princesses, and if you're unfamiliar, allow me to enlighten you from my perspective. My main issue: PHYSICAL FRAMEWORK. Breasts? Check. Small waist? Check. Thin build? Check. Flawless skin? CHECK. The "I wake up and my hair is long and just this beautiful" hair type? Check. ALL of the original Disney princesses were designed with the same build. It only seems to have reiterated society's norms for what women should look like. Petite, thin, flawless. But, that's not realistic. The absence of variations in figure for these princesses shows limited acknowledgement of women that don't fit that image. What about the rest us? Where do we fit in? Or don't we? 

It's become a popular topic discussion now-right along with Barbie's image. The figure of these princesses and Barbie are unrealistic. It suggests that this size is the ONLY healthy size and correct size, and that is not true. Now even though manufacturers are considering making a "plus size" Barbie, they still fail in the image of that name..."Plus-size". The "plus-size Barbie" has a double chin, but the same nose, same blue eyes, same blonde hair. What is "plus-size"? What's "skinny"? Lean? Thick? Obese..anyway, it's ALSO unrealistic and inaccurate. But, back to the princesses...besides the physical figure, hair type and style is next. I'm certain all of us wake up with shiny, (pressed in my case if my 'fro has been tamed or my plaits are out) astounding hair. Cinderella didn't sweat one bit in her fairy-tale. Ariel's hair dried right up when she flopped out of the water. Sleeping Beauty (who slept) had the perfect curls to match her perfect tiara as she waited to exchange lip germs with her knight in shining armor. 

Almost all of the original princesses obtain long hair (with the exception of Snow White). Where are the natural curls? The Afro? The short cut? The plaits? The bob? No? Also, another attempt to reiterate the "norms" of a woman physically. Also, they're limited in the realistic idea of what various women's hair looks like. Their skin? No scars, no freckles or moles, no cultural/tribal skin art. They didn't even have ashy elbows! Definitely not realistic! Not to mention the absence of tattoos (but those would really create an uproar)! Despite the few story twists and rookie princesses in which the princesses have some color, do a little work on their own to accomplish their dreams, start out as royalty, or deduct a few steps from the knight to save the damsel, there are still some malfunctions. 

The story-line reiterates a girl being saved by a man who, in fact, changes her whole life for the better. I've met little girls who have argued with me about them not needing to work because their prince would work for them, and they'd have every jewel and tiara in stock (accompanied with those extra bright dresses). Where is the independence? The example that these princesses chased their dreams on their own or started from nothing and worked for everything? Are these stories ways of reinforcing pieces of the gender roles in the "American Dream"? How long will we watch these young girls wait for someone to rescue them? Are these princesses suggesting that only a certain type of woman can be a princess? Where is the realism?While these young children are waiting on someone to fulfill their dreams, how will they learn about getting up and creating them? Some girls, boys, and women are searching for the tiaras that belong to the princesses in those fictitious fairy-tales, but they don't see the crown that belongs to them sitting on top of their head. 

Grab your crown...and your own armor.

With realness,

Bee Elae

12/30/2013 

"The Problem with Bench Riding..."- Encouragement Blog

I'm not certain about all of you, but I've had my share of sports. Gymnastics...yes, track and field...super yes...dancing/POMS...yes, basketball...NO! I wasn't made to play basketball nor make a career out of it. I had the height, the drive, a good left hand for sporadic 3's, and my specialty, scrapping for the ball. My elementary coach tried to work with me, but I didn't work with him. I tried...but...like deciphering who's better out of Kobe and LeBron, it was pretty intense-for a lack of better words . I knew when he called me into the game, it was to throw down, and I loved that. What I didn't love, was my (then) bony backside engaging in constant make-out sessions with the bench. The hard benches with the chips in them? I know you know about those benches! I hated being benched. It was uncomfortable, it made me feel like less than a team member, and it depicted the image to the onlookers that I was COMPLETE TRASH on the court.

 I waited, patiently, for my turn, but it seldom came. Looking back now with the type of temper I had (and one altercation against my OWN teammate), there was a play from the bench being played right in front of me. I not only learned that that basketball was not my calling, but sitting around doing nothing while on the bench did not improve my skills. Sure, I couldn't just be disobedient and walk onto the court during a game, but part of me had become comfortable with the bench because I was nervous about exposing my skills in front of a multitude of people roaring for their team in the school gym. The issue here, is that so many of us become too comfortable with the bench riding process. We accept what we grow accustomed to unwilling to step out of our comfort zones and learn about what we are gifted in. The bench becomes our partner and our enemy, and it's overlooked. Our benches are our shields from so many opportunities though. Understanding your comfort zone is one thing, but overcoming what is uncomfortable is so much more rewarding.

For things we know are unjust, some of us lean back on our benches uncomfortably unwilling to step put of what is comfortable-fearful of standing outside of the "majority". How can you find your gifts if you're constantly and willingly situated on the bench? Lack of hard work and improvement doesn't grant success. Of course, we've all been benched and learned that something may not be for us, but to stay there limits the opportunity for a multitude of things that may be. I've been bench-less for years..and I've moved up into a chair with limited cushion, BUT soon, like Red Riding Hood and her perfect porridge pick, I'll have my H.B.L. (Head Boss Lady) chair, and it will be mine and where I belong. Your bench may be stopping you.

GET OUT THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

With realness,
Bee Elae
2:38 a.m.