"Internet Picture Evaluation: "Not Knowing How To Be A Man Because of Mom"

 

Initially, I wanted to respond to this image by blowing up, but it really wasn't worth it. There are a multitude of images swimming across our screens created by individuals that are stuck in a negative state of thinking. As we are all well aware, uninformed persons, haters, trolls, and internet thugs make their way into any open space in social media- including images such as this one. So, I'm just going to find them and evaluate them...when worth evaluating.

For starters, allow me to state how frustrating it is to hear and see individuals look down and attempt to bash all single-parent households while attempting to shove their assumptions and horribly supported statistics down single-parent household children's throats...and also attempt to portray us as "inferior". As just one of the many successful young people raised in a single-parent household, we are NOT inferior to anyone...and not all of us are requesting your pity, your need to make us feel "whole", or your eyes for observation to please your opinions. One of the issues with these judgments made towards single-parent households is the belief of norms, that are not not only created for genders, but also for the "American Dream" and what is ideal for a household. Despite these norms, in reality (a.k.a. THE REAL WORLD), both parents will not always be present in the same home (or in the child's life in some instances), and the partners or parents in a household may share the same sex or gender.

Reality does not always correlate with the norms given to us in our societies by individuals we'd deemed as dominant. I do understand that there are complications in certain single-parent households for some children. The absence of a figure in a home can affect a child. Actually, most, if not all, are affected in some form when a parent is absent, but the general attitudes and assumptions directed towards us are not okay. By the way, children can be affected when both parents are in the home as well...for the folks that forgot that part. These attitudes we have towards people who are different than us are so absurd. Have you even taken the time to learn about someone that has lived differently than you? Probably not. But an immense amount of individuals still muster up the audacity to view someone in a negative manner. I caught one of my relatives slipping after they made a remark about children of single-parent households, and although I was caught off guard with their statement, I immediately corrected them and ended with an eye-roll. Shooottttt.

Another reason I chose not to become angry with this image is because it shows no type of validity. We don't know the backgrounds of any of the individuals in this image-including the members of their households. We don't even know if the woman and young boy in the top half of the image were photoed to be mother and son. This whole single-parent image is mainly directed towards Black or African American families-considering African Americans have been the common race with the portrayal of single-parent upbringings throughout the media. Actually, even without examining and picking out a specific race, the single-parent household image is growing within the media. At any rate, after viewing this image, anyone can be guilty of possessing a negative attitude or negative perception. Why? Because some individuals that share the same race possess the same negative attitudes, images, and stereotypes towards children of single-parent households and single parents displayed in the image. When referring to "single parents", I'm making reference and acknowledging the parents that have picked up the slack of their absent partners and have taken the roles of both parents to provide for their children without any underlying motives. Another reason why almost anyone can be guilty? Because of the assumptions in which single-parenting only exists when referring to race and ethnicity, and also, because some of us accept the type of attitude and depiction provided in this image.

Taking it back a little further, we're still battling with gender norms and expectations through learning about "how to be a man" and "how to be a woman". Why is single-parenting the "blame" for sexual orientation/preference? How closely are they actually related? What about households in which both parents are present? Why do single parents that have done the best they could and set a positive example for their children lose credibility once the preference of their child's sexuality is known? Why are they the immediate blame? What if the parent(s) followed the "Rules of Gender Norms", but their child's sexual preference isn't what was "expected"? I just have so many questions...and I don't want to sit in front of a pile of paper covered in studies. Numbers, in certain areas, are suspect. Maybe that's just me.

I am so well aware of the changes and certain emotions felt when a parent is absent, but single-parent housing isn't always single because some children have other influential individuals that have assisted them and have been a positive influence in their upbringing. Also, single-parenting is not as negative as it is commonly portrayed. Understand success is attainable for us as well, and sexual orientation and preference is not necessarily based on the parent(s) present or absent.

Bee Elae

4/22/2014

"Bloggin', Workin', Waitin' " http://brikhousedelights.blogspot.com/

Hopping back into the blog world! I have so many topics I want to just explode on, but at the same time, I'm trying to deal with the imbalances of life. Some of us have the biggest dreams, right? Things we've been wanting to do or want to do. We (some of us) work hard-dedication, motivation, persistence-and it's still not our turn. I believe some of us expect it to just happen because we feel we've worked hard enough for it. We decide when we deserve something and it totally doesn't happen like that. Like, seriously. We're aimlessly searching and inquiring "Why me?" and "When is it my turn?" A few things I'm still learning: time was not created to vow to always be our friend (therefore it does not, in fact, have to be on our side), we do not decide our turn for success and breakthrough in all cases (we do have control over our decisions), and we all have a purpose we are free to accept...or not. My writings, my poems, and my passion for and need to assist juveniles undergoing troubles in the justice system and victims of domestic violence and assault- of which I attended college for- are all waiting to be unleashed and exposed to the world. They're screaming for opportunity and acknowledgement. I'm eager, but it's not my turn. And because it's not my turn, I'm forced to wait...and while I'm waiting, I have to work on improving all of those things, so when it is my turn, it'll be super-fantastic-al (yeah, that's made up). When I thought it was just me in the waiting line, I learned that it wasn't.

There are other people waiting and perfecting their dreams and goals as well. Another thing I do know: all of our turns exist. It's so tough remembering this sometimes especially when it's someone else's turn, but that doesn't mean we're supposed to stop working. I've grown impatient, cried tears of frustration, fell down and got back up, and been given the same test when I didn't pass it previously because I'd been doing something wrong, but discontinuing my mission is not going to happen. And that shouldn't happen for any of us. And if we can, we should help someone when they feel like discontinuing their mission... not only for the sake of their purpose, but because we've gotten so self-absorbed with ourselves as of late, numb due to tragedies, and taught to hate or hate on one another. There is so much potential among all of us... and tests, patience, hard work, and time are just some of the components of reaching and even surpassing our potential. Tests and waiting will get you. I mean, it can knock you to your knees-especially when you want what you've been working for like crazy-but we don't have to stay there.

I'm not even where I want to be yet, but my work and some of my accomplishments and awards I've received don't go completely unnoticed and that's enough to continue pursuing what I'm reaching for. So, to my people everywhere: my future clothing designer sister in Florida, my artists, my band friends in Florida, my future personal trainer in Alabama, my hard-workers in Georgia, my school sisters in Kentucky, my folks in Philly, North Carolina and South Carolina, my singer moving to New York, my overlooked (not for long) INDIANA HOOSIERS in my hometown that possess crazy talent, and everywhere else, I love that you're working for something and someone notices it. "If you're here, you're not finished."

Google Images

Bee Elae
4/13/2014